Nov 13, 20208 min read

Tired Girl Talks: Male Suicide

Greetings friends!

Welcome back to my Tired Girl Talks series where each month I select a social issue or injustice to research and then gather and share my findings with you to raise awareness for that topic. As you can tell by the title of this post, the month's topic (as voted on by you, my lovely readers) is going to be about male suicide rates, the statistics, stigma and ways in which you can help.

I want to firstly apologise for the delay on this post. When I began this series I was convinced that one post a month of this nature would be perfectly manageable, but life (as it often does) got in the way and I decided to wait to continue this series until I could give it the undivided attention it truly deserves.

The disclaimers before I begin:

This post contains information on the topics of depression, mental illness and suicide. Please do not read this if you think this could be triggering to you. Support can be found at https://www.samaritans.org/ and other resources listed in this post.
I mean absolutely no disrespect to any victims of suicide or their families. This post is intended for educational purposes.

The Facts

How many people do you know?

If you counted the number of people you know, it would almost definitely be more than 20.

What if I told you that more than 1 in 20 people in the UK will make a suicide attempt in their lifetime?

The majority of those people who succeed, are men, with the World Health Organisation reporting that suicide accounts for 50% of all male violent deaths worldwide.

Yet it is preventable.

Data suggests that only 1 in 3 people who commit suicide have sought professional psychological help in the previous year. Meaning that there are thousands of people out there who are going to work or school every day, posting on social media, spending time with family and friends and who are struggling to cope.

Isn't it tragic that we stigmatise mental health so much that there are people out there who feel that taking their own life is a better option than seeking the help they desperately need?

There's this idea that some people think holds true that if you ask someone how they are doing or let someone talk about their struggles they are more likely to harm themselves. The idea that talking about a problem amplifies it is simply not true, and in fact the opposite is more likely. I was told as a child: a problem shared is a problem halved. But I grew up female, and expressing my emotions wasn't discouraged as it might have been if you grew up male.

So how did we get here?

Stigma and Toxic Masculinity

Suicide is more common among people, in general, than it should be. But three times more men than women commit suicide each year. So what is it about being male that makes you somewhat more likely to take your own life?

The answer is different for everyone. People are fighting their own battles and often from the outside looking in they are completely invisible. But one thing that many people who attempt suicide have in common is that they are scared of what people might think of them if they were to tell someone they were struggling.

Therein lies the stigma.

And the stigma for men, is generally worse because of something we call toxic masculinity.

If you don't know, toxic masculinity is defined as "a set of attitudes and behaviours stereotypically associated with or expected on men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and society as a whole."

Toxic masculinity can take on many different forms, but by far one of the most common is the idea that men should not be seen to have certain emotions, and that the expression of those emotions should be deemed as a sign of weakness. For example, it is rather widely accepted that women cry to show sadness, or anger or frustration (or any emotion at all in some cases), and people will rush to comfort you. On the other hand, seeing a man cry can make people uncomfortable. For most people that isn't because we don't think men should be able to cry, but because we have been brought up in a biased society that taught little boys that they shouldn't express themselves in that way. That crying, for all intents and purposes, is for women. So if you're crying, you lose your masculinity.

Let me tell you why that's complete bullsh*t.

As a woman, I've seen my fair share of toxic masculinity presented in a number of different ways.

But by far the most compassionate, kind and happiest men and boys I've met are also the ones who weren't afraid to cry in front of me, or tell me that they were struggling. It's sad that I even have to say it, but those actions were brave. Brave because many of their instincts would have been to hide the pain they were feeling and bury it somewhere no one would ever see it, and instead they let their emotions come to the surface. But I don't want that to be a brave action, I want that to be widely accepted as the norm. I don't want to see a man crying, or asking me for help, or telling me about his therapy and think "wow it must have taken a lot for him to tell me that".

The truth is, whilst society has taught boys that supressing those "negative" emotions is how you show masculinity, it is actually the opposite.

Being in touch with your own sense of wellbeing enough to know when you need help is empowerment beyond just being masculine.

Being able to ask for that help when you need it, is stronger still.

Nobody else cares how masculine you are.

But everyone else in your life cares how happy you are.

Don't prioritise your masculinity over your happiness.

Get Help Now

If you've read this far and you've identified yourself, or maybe someone you know, here are some excellent places you can go for help, regardless of your gender identity:

UK crisis resources:

Samaritans

Available 24/7

- call 116 123

- email jo@samaritans.co.uk (please note that emails will not be responded to immediately. For immediate help please call the number above).

Tired Girl Talks: Male Suicide

The Facts

Stigma and Toxic Masculinity

Get Help Now

UK crisis resources:

US crisis resources

Australia Crisis Resources

New Zealand Crisis Resources

International Association for Suicide Prevention

Support the cause

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