Greetings friends!
The new academic year is fast approaching and whilst I won't be going back to traditional university life myself, I thought I would share some of my wisdom with incoming freshers!
Obviously things are probably going to look a little different this year, given that Coronavirus has decided to stick around for a while longer. Most of the advice I'll be giving in this post is relevant even in the midst of a pandemic, so you can still make the most of your university experience!
For anyone who hasn't read my blog before, I am a student at the University of Exeter, so my advice is going to be based largely off my personal experiences there. I'm largely assuming that all universities are similar, but there might be some things in this post that are Exeter specific.
Fake it 'til you make it
One of the scariest things for me when heading off to university was how I would ever make friends. I was not popular at school, and I had been recently diagnosed with generalised anxiety (which was sometimes exacerbated in social situations). The thought of moving away from home, starting a degree, and not knowing a single person was scary - even if I was itching for a new start!
So I went with the "fake it 'til you make it" approach when trying to make friends. I told myself that if I went into social situations with fake confidence and pretended I was great at making friends, this would manifest and nobody would know any different. I can't lie, this worked very well for me! It was difficult at first as it felt like I was luring people into being friends with me under false pretences. but eventually I realised that once those people were my friends I would feel confident around them anyway. All I was really doing was skipping the awkward "just met" stage. It was the perfect crime.
If you are anxious about making friends, just know that you are not alone. The thing that I forgot when heading to university is that 90% of freshers are in the same boat. They don't know anyone, they're moving away from home for the first time, they miss their families and they are also terrified they won't be able to make friends! I promise it will be so much easier to find friends than you think it will be!
Join the Group Chats!
Whilst we're on the theme of making friends, I would highly recommend that you join the freshers group chats! At university there is a group chat for absolutely everything. If you don't have a Facebook account, you should absolutely sign up for one as most of the group chats are based on Facebook messenger, and society/event pages are often on Facebook also!
Joining the various university groups chats before you move is an excellent way to get to know the people that you'll be living and studying with. Usually there are group chats for each accommodation so you will have some idea of who you are living with in halls before you are thrown in together! I know that before I moved I was in 3 different group chats for my accommodation alone - one for the whole accommodation, one for my accommodation block (the best block ever) and one for my flat. So there was ample opportunity for me to get to know the people I'd be living with! There were also group chats for my course, which was a great way to familiarise myself with some of the people who would be suffering through the course with me.
A side note to this is not to stop at group chats! I used the group chats to start conversations with individuals in an effort to make friends before I had arrived. It might sound awkward and desperate (I was both) but it worked! One of the people I messaged from my course group chat is still one of my best friends two years on (hi Kirsten!).
You probably won't stay friends with everyone you meet in Freshers week and that's totally okay!
Freshers week is a great opportunity to make friends, don't get me wrong. But Freshers feels like such a whirlwind, and everyone is desperate to make friends, so you can occasionally end up hanging around with people who you might not necessarily have been friends with under different circumstances. There's no harm in this at all, and as everyone settles in you'll find you drift away from some people, and closer to others. This is absolutely normal and most people have this experience! I only know a handful of people who met all their current friends in Freshers week. My personal experience was that the friends I made in Freshers are still people I know and adore now, but all my closest friends (bar one) are people I met later on! So don't put lots of pressure on yourself to fit into certain groups because those were the first people you became friends with. Just take a breath and know that you will find your people.
Societies make the university experience!
I cannot stress this enough: get involved in societies! There's a common misconception that to be in a society at university you need to be good at sport or want to be drunk all the time. Both of these are completely untrue! There is a society for absolutely everything, you would struggle to think of something that isn't a society. But if you manage it, and find enough interest, you can even start your own society!
In first year I joined so many societies, it was crazy. I don't know a single person who has not overdone it signing up to societies in first year and ended up not going to anything in some of those societies - we've all been there. Besides the money spent signing up, I actually think it's a great idea to sign up to lots of things (even if you might end up ditching it a week or two in) because at least some of those societies will likely end up being your favourite part of the week! By the time second year rolls around, you'll know the societies you really want to commit to.
By my second year I had whittled down the dozen societies I joined in first year to just two societies: Exeter DanceSoc and Taylor Swift Society. What a surprise. I also attended a couple of events with MedSci society (the society formed for people studying Medical Sciences), however I did not purchase a membership. This is because I knew from my first year that purchasing a membership was not cost effective for me personally, as I did not attend enough events to make back the money I spent on the membership. It's important to note that you can still attend society events and classes for most societies without a membership, but for a higher price. So if, like me, you attended dance classes every week, buying a membership saves you a lot of money! But if you only wanted to attend the odd ballet class, you might consider paying the full price for classes and saving on the membership cost.
I just also quickly wanted to say, buy the stash. In first year I thought buying stash (society themed merch) was an expense not worth paying and I regretted it the rest of the year. By the time I reached second year I was not making that mistake again! I bought an obscene amount of stash this past year, and I practically live in it. So buy the stash. That is all.
Do not buy the textboooks
They're extremely overpriced and I guarantee any that you desperately need will be in the library. Honestly I am doing a research degree and the vast majority of my sources come from the internet. I think I've used a hard textbook maybe 4 times in my two years. Most of the time, if I require a textbook I use the online copy. Either way, there is absolutely no reason to buy a textbook. I really wish I had known this, so now I'm passing this knowledge down to you.
I already know some of you are doubting me and ordering your textbooks on a new tab. I know because two years ago I was you. Just. Don't. Do. It. You'll thank me later.
Go clubbing in the middle of the week
I know you think it's a bad idea to go out when you've got lectures the next day, but believe me when I tell you that you will have a much better night out if you go in the middle of the week. This is for one, very simple, reason: the locals go out at the weekend.
Girls we've all been there, just dancing in the club with our friends minding our own business when suddenly some guy (at least twice our age) moves into the dance circle and tries to talk to you. And honestly that's the best case scenario - we've all seen worse. This doesn't really change when you're a student, but going out during the week means that at least you'll be harassed by someone your own age, instead of Steve the 40-year-old, divorced accountant. Locals dominate the clubs at the weekends, and trust me it's something you can live without seeing.
In the first few weeks, keep busy!
Chances are this is the first time you'll be living independently, so this is where your adult life begins! There's no more asking for permission to go out, or relying on someone else to do the supermarket run. These things are both exciting and terrifying - you are finally responsible for yourself. So I'd recommend keeping busy in the first few weeks. Go out for coffee, have brunch with a new friend, go out clubbing four times a week. Do all the adult things your adult life has brought you the freedom to do!
It's also important to keep busy if you're a person who gets home sick. Try to avoid going home for the first few weeks so you can settle into your new life away from your family and friends. Making plans for the evenings and the weekends is a great way to do this!
And finally, have fun!
I know this is the most cliche thing I could say, and that you'll all be rolling your eyes (frankly, I am rolling my eyes too) but it is so true! University is an incredible, life-changing experience. Not every day will be good, and some days you'll wonder why you are there at all. But there is also so much fun to be had! So many adventures and stories you'll be able to tell for the rest of your life. So many friendships to be made. So much fun to be had!
If you are starting at Exeter in the next week, I’m slightly jealous that you get to experience everything for the first time! A final note, everyone told me before I started at Exeter “it’s got a lot of hills” and “you’ll be walking uphill all the time” and I shrugged it off. So now I’m telling you, prepare for the hills. You’re about to become as fit as you’ve ever been just from walking to your lectures!
Whether you're heading off to university or not, I wish you all the success you deserve. Remember you are not defined by your level of education, your grades, or your career choice. You are defined by your diligence, hard work and compassion.
Good luck, I hope you're ready for it!
Charlotte. X
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