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Writer's pictureCharlotte

A Place In This World

Greetings my friends!


My blog is about many things. It's about living with chronic illness, it's about being a student, it's about trying to play an active role in making the world a better place. It's also about me and the personal accounts of things I witness.


Lately, I've been feeling deflated, an emotion that is unrelated (although not aided by) COVID-19 and quarantine. I have observed and concluded that I will never be a good person. I will never be "the best version of myself". It's not that I don't want to be those things, or that I can't be bothered to work on myself. But here's the thing: you're asking too much. There, I said it. I finally said exactly what I know so many others have been thinking. Society is asking too much of us.


Let me explain.


It's no secret that we are born into a society that will judge us on appearances. Unfortunately, this is not a new idea, and whilst some will argue that things have improved in recent years where body positivity on social media has gained traction, I would argue that the need for such statements is proof of how much the problem still exists. Yes, since I was old enough to be on social media I have been witness to the torment that anonymous trolls have subjected other people to. However, it isn't those things that I saw that stuck with me. The comments that were etched into my brain were not the "fat bitch" comments under famous women's photos, they were the heart eye emoji, "I wish I had that figure" comments. As a typical teenage girl, I was driven by the need for approval in everything I did. I worked hard in school to win the approval of my teachers whilst simultaneously hoisting my skirt up during break times to win the approval of my peers. God forbid I ate more than a sandwich at lunchtime, and if you post a selfie on instagram you better hope it gets more likes than your last. I battled with that need for approval throughout my teenage years and into early adulthood, like most of us did. But now I've finally grown out of that, a new problem has presented itself. This problem is one that is magnified by social media, but exists in the real world also and I am yet to see it addressed.


So I'm taking a leap and I'm going to be the person who voices it, so that maybe we can all learn to be a little kinder and more sympathetic to one another. Let me start by telling you all the reasons why I am not a good person.


I eat meat. I don't just eat it, I love it. Chicken is my own personal heroin, and I eat cheeseburgers. Not often, but I eat them. I eat red meat at least twice a week, usually more, and yes this is partially to battle the anaemia and iron deficiency, but I didn't complain or choose to eat spinach instead when my doctor told me to consume more iron in my diet. Also, I use aerosol deodorant. I don't check all my food labels for palm oil before I eat. I use bleach in my toilet. I don't use biodegradable soap.


I buy fast fashion. I also use depop, but I haven't fully converted to second hand shops. Sometimes I see a really cute dress online for £10 and I buy it. Sometimes I'm having a bad day and I need a little pick me up and I look at fast fashion websites.


I haven't researched all of the current global crises that are occurring. I've seen the posts on instagram asking me to educate myself on the issues in Hong Kong, the humanitarian crisis in Yemen, and a hundred other international (and national) issues. I haven't then given each of these issues my time to further research and understand each problem.


Here'e the thing, I care deeply about the societal issues we face in this world. I am constantly thinking of new ways to fight for the rights of people who are oppressed, be that signing petitions, writing about it on my blog, or sharing posts on social media. I'm also doing my level best to be a better person each day. But it's gotten to a point where I think it doesn't matter what I do anymore - there will always be someone accusing people of caring too much about one issue and ignoring another.


I read a post on instagram a few weeks ago that gave a list of things you could do to help the environment. That would have been a great way to educate people, myself included, on some small ways to make a difference. Unfortunately, the author didn't stop there and instead went on to say that most young people say they care about climate change but don't do these simple things and it will therefore be our fault that the planet dies. For shock value, it was excellent and absolutely achieved what was intended. But realistically, refraining from putting bleach down my toilet isn't going to end climate change. That is not to say that each person making small changes doesn't add up, because I strongly believe it does. However, instead of reading this post and thinking "I could definitely switch to a different kind of shampoo," or "I don't need to use aerosol deodorant, I'll find an alternative," all I could think was: I am not doing enough for climate change and that means I don't care about it. I am exactly who this girl is talking about when she wrote this post - it's me who is ruining the planet for future generations.


Equally, the debate about whether we (as a species) should continue to eat meat or not has become so out of hand that I am embarrassed to admit that I do. I know many people (a lot of them really close friends!) who can proudly announce that they are vegetarian or vegan and I find myself envious. "So stop eating meat then," I hear you chime, and you're right I could do that, but shouldn't it be a choice I make for myself, in my own time? Recently, it's started to feel less and less like a choice.


I bought a really cute dress from a website recently that essentially defines fast fashion. I adore it, and I wish I could wear it every day. But every time I put it on there's this lump in my throat that tastes like guilt. I can't stop thinking about who made it, how much they're paid, what conditions they are going home to. The truth is, it isn't at all fair that I can sit comfortably on my sofa and purchase that dress from my iPhone whilst another girl my age sits in a factory and sews it together on a wage that barely covers the essentials for survival. It is also the truth that this issue runs deeper than the people buying the clothes. It is the truth that if they wanted to, and cared enough, governments and corporations could end the controversy around fast fashion, by ensuring workers were paid a fair wage. The problem is, instead of directing the anger we feel about the injustice of the situation towards those companies, we direct it towards the people who are purchasing from them. We focus our time and energy on tearing down individuals for systemic issues. What is that all about? Of course we should all try to make a difference, but start being realistic - we aren't perfect. And it isn't our singular responsibility to solve all these problems, particularly when they were started by a system who profits whether we tear each other down or help each other become better people.


So I'll never been a good person because even if I became a vegan, shopped only in charity shops and dedicated my life to researching social issues, there will always be something I'm not doing. Instead, I am a flawed human, but one who is doing the best she can to make even a small difference, not only to the world but to individual people's lives.

When did that stop being enough?


I guess the point of this ramble is this:

We are not on this planet to resolve all of it's problems. Of course you should be considerate of others, look for ways to help some of these issues, but don't take on each one as if you (and you alone) are responsible for it's beginnings and ends. There is not one person alive that can honestly say they live to serve the problems of this Earth, that they play an active roll in all social issues, climate change, fast fashion, veganism, etc. and that is how it should be. First and foremost you are on this planet to live your own life. That's not a reason to be entirely selfish or ignorant to the happenings of the world around you, but it is a reason to not give all your time to it at the expense of your happiness.


Maybe one day we'll have this all figured out, but for now let's be kind and considerate of others. Let's not presume to know their reasons for choosing certain clothes, or a certain diet. Let's allow people to be imperfect, when it's clear they're trying to do better. Let's stop thinking we have any right at all to pass judgement, when we ourselves are still learning and growing.


Be kind, be forgiving, be compassionate - to others, but also importantly, to yourself.


Charlotte. X

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amberluckett7
amberluckett7
Jul 24, 2020

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eleanork72
Jul 24, 2020

thanks for writing this char! xxx

your point about making more sustainable choices in terms of lifestyle and diet is especially important- so many people do not take into account the huge eco privilege that drives many of the eco/sustainable movements... not everyone has the money, resources, time or is in the right headspace to make drastic changes to their lifestyle; I'm pescatarian not because I think that this is the best and only way to stop climate change, or because I think that if everyone else followed my diet the world would be better but because it is one small thing that I know that I can do that does not have a negative impact on my life! Yes,…

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